Temperament, responsibility, calling—and the grace to function beyond your natural preferences

Few people may know this about me:

I am an introvert.

That may surprise some people who have seen me preach, teach, lead meetings, counsel people, speak publicly or engage with different groups.

Perhaps that is because we sometimes misunderstand what it means to be an introvert.

Being introverted does not necessarily mean being shy.

It does not mean lacking confidence.

It does not mean being unable to lead.

And it certainly does not mean being unable to stand before people and communicate boldly.

I have been thinking about something more subtle:

What happens when an introvert is forced to become an extrovert?

And what happens when, instead of being forced to become somebody else, there is grace to function beyond your natural temperament because your assignment requires it?

I have experienced both.

And I am increasingly convinced that they are not the same thing.

Speak more.

Network more.

Be more visible.

Stay longer.

Talk more.

Be constantly available.

Make your presence felt.

Have something to say in every meeting.

Keep socialising.

Keep performing.

And sometimes the message received by the quieter person is:

“Who you naturally are is not enough.”

So an introvert can begin trying to live permanently as an extrovert.

That is different from growth.

It can become performance.

There is useful psychological research here.

Introversion and extraversion are not two rigid boxes into which everybody neatly fits. They are better understood as dimensions of personality, with people varying considerably in where they fall.

Research has also found something interesting: people who are naturally more introverted can behave more extravertedly in particular situations, and sometimes experience benefits from doing so.

But sustained behaviour that runs against someone’s natural disposition can also carry costs for some people, including greater tiredness and a reduced sense of authenticity.

That distinction matters.

Having the capacity to behave beyond your natural temperament is not the same as being required to live permanently as somebody you are not.

Growth is not the same as pretending

I believe every one of us should grow.

An introvert may need to develop communication skills.

An extrovert may need to develop listening skills.

A naturally private person may need to learn appropriate visibility.

A naturally expressive person may need to learn restraint.

A person who enjoys solitude may need to become more intentional about relationships.

And someone who loves being around people may need to learn how to be alone.

Growth will sometimes make us uncomfortable.

So we must be careful not to call every uncomfortable experience “being forced to be somebody I am not.”

Sometimes it is simply growth.

But there is a difference between stretching your capacity and rejecting your identity.

I don’t need to despise my temperament in order to develop beyond my present limitations.

Perhaps the healthier principle is:

Develop the behavioural range necessary for your assignment without despising the temperament God gave you.

Then there is grace for the assignment

This is where, for me, the conversation goes beyond personality psychology.

There are things I do because my calling and responsibilities require them.

Pastoring requires engagement with people.

Leadership requires communication.

Counselling requires listening and conversation.

Preaching requires public expression.

Leading meetings requires speaking when I might naturally have preferred to listen.

Ministry requires relationships.

Writing requires taking thoughts that could have remained private and placing them in the public space.

There are moments when the assignment requires something beyond my natural preference.

And yet I have discovered that when the moment comes, there can be grace for the assignment.

Paul said:

“But by the grace of God I am what I am: and his grace which was bestowed upon me was not in vain; but I laboured more abundantly than they all: yet not I, but the grace of God which was with me.”
— 1 Corinthians 15:10 KJV

I love the balance in that Scripture.

Paul worked.

Paul laboured.

Paul acted.

But Paul recognised something beyond his natural ability:

“…yet not I, but the grace of God which was with me.”

Grace did not make him passive.

Grace enabled him.

And I believe there are moments when grace enables us to function beyond what we would naturally choose.

Grace does not always change your temperament

This may be one of the most important lessons I am learning.

Grace does not always change your temperament. Sometimes grace enables you to function beyond its natural preferences when your assignment requires it.

I can preach before people and still value quietness afterwards.

I can lead a meeting and still need time alone.

I can engage with many people and still find restoration in solitude.

I can communicate publicly without wanting to live publicly every moment of my life.

None of those things contradict each other.

And the person people see publicly is not necessarily a performance.

That is genuinely me too.

One expression reflects my natural preference.

The other reflects my temperament submitted to responsibility, developed through experience and strengthened by grace.

That distinction has helped me.

Your temperament must not become your excuse

There is another side to this conversation.

Understanding ourselves can become so important to us that personality language becomes an excuse.

“I am an introvert, therefore I can’t…”

“That is just my personality.”

“I don’t do people.”

“I don’t speak publicly.”

“I am not that kind of person.”

But personality should help us understand ourselves, not imprison ourselves.

Your temperament can explain a preference.

It should not automatically become permission to disobey God, neglect responsibility or refuse necessary growth.

This is why I find the experience of Moses so instructive.

I would not label Moses an “introvert”—the Bible does not use modern personality categories to describe him.

But Moses certainly believed his natural communication ability was inadequate for the assignment God was giving him.

He said:

“And Moses said unto the LORD, O my Lord, I am not eloquent, neither heretofore, nor since thou hast spoken unto thy servant: but I am slow of speech, and of a slow tongue.”
— Exodus 4:10 KJV

That sounds like a man who knows where he feels inadequate.

But God’s response is remarkable:

“Now therefore go, and I will be with thy mouth, and teach thee what thou shalt say.”
— Exodus 4:12 KJV

God did not say:

“Then I have chosen the wrong person.”

He essentially told Moses:

Go. I will help you where the assignment requires more than you believe you possess.

There is something powerful in that.

The assignment revealed an inadequacy.

The inadequacy did not cancel the assignment.

God supplied what the assignment required.

Perhaps we need to move beyond simply asking:

“Are you an introvert or an extrovert?”

That question may tell us something useful.

But it does not tell us everything.

I increasingly think in terms of four things:

TEMPERAMENT helps me understand my natural tendencies.

DEVELOPMENT expands what I am capable of doing.

RESPONSIBILITY sometimes requires me to operate outside my natural preferences.

GRACE enables me to fulfil what God requires of me.

And I would add one more:

WISDOM teaches me how to steward myself afterwards.

Because grace is not an excuse to ignore our humanity.

This is important.

There can be a strange idea in leadership that constant availability equals faithfulness.

It doesn’t.

There are times to engage.

And there are times to withdraw.

Luke records something striking about Jesus:

“And he withdrew himself into the wilderness, and prayed.”
— Luke 5:16 KJV

Jesus ministered to crowds.

He taught people.

He healed people.

He engaged individuals.

And He withdrew.

I am not using that Scripture to diagnose Jesus with a modern personality type.

I am making a simpler point:

Withdrawal is not automatically weakness.

Silence is not automatically insecurity.

Solitude is not automatically antisocial behaviour.

And public boldness does not automatically mean somebody is naturally extroverted.

Sometimes the person you see commanding a room may later need quietness.

Sometimes the leader engaging hundreds of people may recover best away from everybody.

Sometimes what looks completely natural from the outside has required considerable development on the inside.

And sometimes what you are witnessing is simply:

Grace meeting a person at the point of assignment.

So yes, I am an introvert

Few people may know that.

And perhaps that is partly because people have mostly encountered me in the place of assignment.

They see the preacher preaching.

The pastor pastoring.

The leader leading.

The writer writing.

The communicator communicating.

What they may not see is the quietness before or afterwards.

And I am learning that I don’t have to become somebody else to fulfil what God has called me to do.

But neither can I use my temperament as an excuse for refusing what God requires.

There are moments when I can remain quiet.

There are moments when I must speak.

There are moments when I can withdraw.

There are moments when I must step forward.

There are moments when solitude restores me.

And there are moments when somebody needs what God has placed inside me more than I need the comfort of remaining within my natural preference.

At those moments, I need grace.

You don’t have to become somebody else

Perhaps maturity is not an introvert becoming an extrovert.

Perhaps it is learning:

Who you are.

How God has wired you.

Where you genuinely need to grow.

What your responsibilities require.

When you need to step forward.

When you need to withdraw.

When you need to recover.

And when you must depend upon God’s grace because the assignment requires something beyond your natural preference.

Do not worship your temperament.

Do not despise your temperament.

Understand it. Develop yourself. Submit yourself to God. And receive grace for your assignment.

Because ultimately:

Your temperament may describe your preference. It does not have to determine the limits of your calling.

Cornelius Bella
The Message Bearer