Church is meant to be a sanctuary for healing, worship, fellowship, and spiritual growth—not a place of conflict, ego, or toxic behavior. Unfortunately, some believers, often without realizing it, can contribute to a negative church environment through irreverence, unkindness, or divisiveness.
God calls us to be builders of His house (1 Corinthians 3:9) and to “walk worthy of the vocation wherewith ye are called, with all lowliness and meekness, with longsuffering, forbearing one another in love” (Ephesians 4:1–2 KJV).
If we’re not intentional, we can end up being spiritual pollutants instead of spiritual nutrients in the Body of Christ. Here’s how to ensure you’re a source of life and not toxicity in your church.
1. Remember Where You Are — God’s House, Not Your Stage
“But the LORD is in His holy temple: let all the earth keep silence before him.” — Habakkuk 2:20 KJV
• Arrive on time and settle in quietly—this reflects a heart ready to worship, not distract.
• Avoid unnecessary movement or talking during sacred moments—Scripture readings, prayers, Communion.
• Be mindful that reverence is an act of worship; it tells God, “I value Your presence above all else.”
2. Dress with Humility and Respect
“In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety…” — 1 Timothy 2:9 KJV
Modesty is not about outdated rules—it’s about removing distractions from worship and shifting focus to God. Whether male or female:
• Avoid provocative, flashy, or slogan-bearing outfits that could cause offence or shift attention away from Christ.
• Let your appearance reflect humility, not a desire for applause.
3. Be an Uplifter, Not a Divider
“Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying…” — Ephesians 4:29 KJV
• Replace gossip, murmuring, and fault-finding with encouragement, gratitude, and prayer.
• Build bridges, not cliques—Jesus prayed for His disciples to be one (John 17:21), not divided by whispers and factions.
• Remember: your words can either heal wounds or deepen them. Choose life-giving speech.
4. Own Your Words—and Listen Before You Speak
“He that hath knowledge spareth his words: and a man of understanding is of an excellent spirit.” — Proverbs 17:27 KJV
• Avoid constant criticism; it drains the spiritual life of the church.
• If you see a genuine issue, pray first, then speak with humility and a solution-focused mindset.
• Listening is as spiritual as speaking—James 1:19 tells us to be “swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath.”
5. Set Boundaries with Love and Grace
“Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone…” — Matthew 18:15 KJV
• If someone’s behavior is toxic, address it privately, respectfully, and prayerfully.
• Avoid public shaming or online subtweets; correction should restore, not humiliate.
• Healthy boundaries protect the unity of the Body without breeding resentment.
6. Root Out Toxicity by Growing in Grace
“But grow in grace, and in the knowledge of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ.” — 2 Peter 3:18 KJV
• Toxic behavior often flows from spiritual immaturity.
• Commit to personal spiritual growth—Bible study, prayer, fasting, and obedience.
• A maturing believer naturally sheds arrogance, harshness, and self-centeredness.
7. Know When to Heal—and When to Step Aside
“If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men.” — Romans 12:18 KJV
• If you find yourself in constant conflict or unable to let go of offences, seek pastoral counseling.
• Sometimes stepping back from certain activities or ministries is necessary for your own healing and the church’s peace.
• Walking away from toxic behavior is not weakness—it’s wisdom.
The Heart of the Matter
Toxic church behavior doesn’t just hurt people—it grieves the Holy Spirit (Ephesians 4:30). Our calling is to be life-givers in our local assembly, not joy-thieves.
When we cultivate humility, reverence, and a servant’s heart, we embody the mind of Christ (Philippians 2:3–5) and help the church be what it’s meant to be: a refuge of love, truth, and transformation.
A Final Prayer
Lord, make me an instrument of Your peace in my church. Remove pride, gossip, irreverence, and any toxic trait in me. Fill my words with grace, my heart with humility, and my actions with love. Help me to be a builder in Your house, not a destroyer. Amen.
The Message Bearer, Cornelius Bella
Be A Pastor’s Joy, Not His Pain
Don’t Be THAT Church Member
Church isn’t your stage—it’s God’s house.
It’s not a place to flex your ego, spread gossip, or drain the life out of the Body.
“Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth…” — Ephesians 4:29
✅ Arrive early.
✅ Dress humbly.
✅ Speak to heal, not to hurt.
✅ Address issues privately, not publicly.
✅ Be a builder, not a divider.
Toxic members grieve the Holy Spirit (Eph. 4:30). Mature members protect the unity of the Spirit (Eph. 4:3).
💬 If you must talk, let it edify.
👣 If you must correct, let it restore.
❤️ If you must lead, lead in humility.
Lord, make me a builder in Your house—not a destroyer. 🙏
#ChurchEtiquette #ChristianLiving #KingdomMaturity
corneliusbella 