How To Have A Good Marriage

How To Have A Good Marriage.

The composition of this message began with an inspired title, and then God, who inspired the title, also inspired the words. So, all the glory belongs to Him.

I pray that as you read to the end, your marriage will be better for it, and if you are planning to get married, it will make you better prepared.

Mark 10:8-9 King James Version
8 And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh.
9 What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.

God Wants You to Have a Good Marriage.

I will start like this, and it is not for the sake of sounding overly spiritual but from the experience of truth I have gathered under God in my eighteen years of being married. You cannot have a successful Christian marriage without genuine salvation and the leadership of the Holy Spirit.

John 3:3 King James Version
3 Jesus answered and said unto him, Verily, verily, I say unto thee, Except a man be born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God.

Romans 14:17 King James Version
17 For the kingdom of God is not meat and drink; but righteousness, and peace, and joy in the Holy Ghost.

Romans 8:14 King James Version
14 For as many as are led by the Spirit of God, they are the sons of God.

It is from that foundation that these four essentials should spring from:

1. Good food
2. Good communication
3. Good sex
4. Good finances

I have deliberately arranged them that way, and I have put Good as a prefix to let you know it is attainable, and you can desire better but not lesser.

1. Good food – food is a need; it must basically be edible when presented in the home and should be prepared in love, and that love is demonstrated in how delicious that food tastes.

Ephesians 5:22-33 King James Version
22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.
24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.
25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;
26 That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,
27 That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.
28 So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.
29 For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:
30 For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones.
31 For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.
32 This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church.
33 Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.

Wives submit to your husband. The demonstration of your love for your husband is in honouring the positive demands of his appetite. If you cannot be bothered to cook good and delicious food for your husband, your submission (reverence) is incomplete.
Remember I said good food. You do not have to be a chef, and even if your husband’s mother is a chef, he should not burden you with such an expectation. But you, the wife, should put in the effort to make the food taste good.

Husbands love your wife; this includes loving her food. Show your appreciation for the well-prepared food by saying thank you love and often offer to clear the table and wash the dishes. And any wise wife would only occasionally accept that offer. Don’t let washing the plate become the payment for your priceless cooking.

2. Good communication. God is a Talking-Spirit, and we have been created in His image.
2 Samuel 23:2 King James Version
2 The Spirit of the Lord spake by me, and his word was in my tongue.

Genesis 1:27 King James Version
27 So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them.

We are expected to engage in communication with God and one another, and more so in a Christian marriage. And there are many relevant things to talk about; for example, what you received during your quiet time, what the Holy Spirit communicated to your spirit man, what you gained from studying the Bible, and what your pastors spoke about that you have the prompting to put into practice. You can talk about what happened at work, how well the project you are working on is doing, and what more needs to be done. You can talk about your children if you have them. Talk about how they are doing, their church activities, school activities, and play activities.

Communication is most beneficial when your spirit man is tuned to the frequency of the Holy Spirit. You would seldom have issues of misunderstanding if you have submitted your hearing and speaking to the Holy Spirit. Genuine communication receives genuine feedback. Communication can be verbal and nonverbal. Your look, smile, touch, silence, posture, and presence say something to your wife, and her interpretation of it will be evident in her feedback – her look, touch, words, and posture.
Get your communication right with the Holy Spirit by submitting to His leadership. My wife and I have genuinely enjoyed the ministry of the Holy Spirit in our marriage and still do in the area of communication.

3. Good sex. One of the most significant damages the devil has done and is doing to Christian marriages was and is through the ignorance of sex.

• The ignorance of what sex is
• The ignorance of the importance of sex
• The ignorance of the purpose of sex

• There is deep-seated hypocrisy in the Christendom that if a man of God should mention the word sex from the pulpit, the congregation would be in aghast. As if the devil originated sex, no, he did not – the only things the devil created was rebellion and evil.

• The devil works tirelessly to bastardise what God in His good intention had created, and when it comes to sex in today’s world, what we can observe mainly is bastardised sex.

Romans 1:26-27 King James Version
26 For this cause God gave them up unto vile affections: for even their women did change the natural use into that which is against nature:
27 And likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust one toward another; men with men working that which is unseemly, and receiving in themselves that recompence of their error which was meet.

I don’t mean to divert from the message, but I would like us to be very clear that God created the man and woman with their sexual organs on purpose and intended them to have sex with one another, the male with his female.

Going back to talk about good sex – it can’t be good sex if it is only good for the husband or if it is only good for the wife. Sex is good sex if it is mutually enjoyed.
Now I am not saying that sex cannot be good if only one of the couples desires it. Not at all. But do your best to ensure that it is a good experience for both of you.

Husbands need to be better at hearing during sex, and wives need to communicate better during sex. I am not giving an excuse for men, we can get better through the help of God, but we are very poor at reading the mind of our wives.
And I speak from experience when I say wives, please tell your husband how you want it done – the pace, the position, and the duration. Keeping silent whilst your husband is enthusiastically molesting you during sex, whilst he thinks he is doing a good job of pleasuring you, is not okay at all.

The devil is not far away from the mind of couples that are not having good sex, especially those who had had sexual experiences before marriage. The devil would soon and at every opportunity orchestrate your thoughts towards the past sexual experience, towards the person involved, orchestrate a phone call from them and arrange a meeting eventually.

Homes have been destroyed when the husband or the wife go chasing past unlawful experiences instead of working on making lawful sex in marriage good.

God, who created sex and permitted it in marriage, wants to help us get it right.
He has also positioned anointed men and experts with whom we could speak and get counselling; if you have done the best you can to work with your husband or your wife to make sex good, reach out for help. Pray about it, talk to the right people about it. Don’t let the lack of good sex cost you everything.

Finally, and not the least important:

4. Good finances. Money answers all things. God gave us the power to make wealth because He wants us to have and enjoy good finances in marriage.

Ecclesiastes 10:19 King James Version
19 A feast is made for laughter, and wine maketh merry: but money answereth all things.

Deuteronomy 8:18 King James Version
18 But thou shalt remember the Lord thy God: for it is he that giveth thee power to get wealth, that he may establish his covenant which he sware unto thy fathers, as it is this day.

I maintain that we should go for the attainable, and we can then build upon it. Good finance is essential in marriage. Love is demonstrated through giving.

John 3:16 King James Version
16 For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.

It would help if you had before you can give. And it is not by excessive acquisition of wealth that a marriage thrives. Several wealthy people keep going through a divorce and never having a settled home.

Good finance is a finance submitted to God. A Christian that does not do tithing has not submitted his or her finances to God. And such cuts off the Divine factor that makes one rich without sorrow.

Proverbs 10:22 New King James Version
22 The blessing of the Lord makes one rich, And He adds no sorrow with it.

Malachi 3:10 King James Version
10 Bring ye all the tithes into the storehouse, that there may be meat in mine house, and prove me now herewith, saith the Lord of hosts, if I will not open you the windows of heaven, and pour you out a blessing, that there shall not be room enough to receive it.

I can testify that after my wife and I took tithing seriously, our finances became good, and not until then.

When you have good finance, you can take care of the needs in your home/marriage where money is required to be spent.

2 Corinthians 9:8 King James Version
8 And God is able to make all grace abound toward you; that ye, always having all sufficiency in all things, may abound to every good work

I pray that God, in His faithfulness, will always make available to you sufficient finances that will meet needs when they arise. May you be provided with all the good that you need to have a good marriage as God intended. In Jesus Name. Amen!

The Message Bearer
Cornelius Bella